0
In Which I Freak Out (AKA the Sentimental Post)
Posted by justme
on
2:35 PM
I leave tomorrow. I still have no idea what I've gotten myself into.
... AAAAAAAAAAADFADRFRWETGFLKHETOIHJGJJJJ!!!!!!!!
I know I shouldn't be so, well, freaked out. I know this is something I've wanted for a verrrry long time (as my BFF kindly pointed out when I started to panic today), but it's really freakin' hard to remember that when there are so many unknowns ahead. What are classes going to be like? How heavy is the workload? Will I make friends? Are my roommate and I going to be able to tolerate each other? How am I supposed to do "big girl" things like making sure my bills are paid? What happens if I get lost? These are the questions that have been swirling around my little blonde brain for the past few days. It's like a personal hailstorm of insecurities.
And then there's everything that I'm just starting to realize I'll have to leave behind. My Bug. My doggies. Privacy. Most of my favourite books. My friends and family. Real food. All sacrificed in the name of growing up and getting an education. Will it be worth it? I hope to God the answer is yes.
*exhales*
OK, time for happy thoughts. I promised the aforementioned BFF that I'd focus on the happy sparkly optimistic stuff instead of worrying all the time. So. What are things I have to look forward to?
Well, there's the opportunity to start with a clean slate, for one. Truth is, the only people I know "out there" are family, and while I love them dearly I'm not going to let them stop me from changing. They watched me grow up - taking on my own identity is just one more part of that. To that end, I plan to get a tattoo once I'm settled in at school. I was thinking a pair of angel (or maybe phoenix) wings, one on the underside of each wrist. They symbolize a sort of rebirth and remind me to appreciate life because it's entirely too fragile. What do you think?
On the same topic, I can also look forward to (hopefully) making new friends. To be honest, I didn't have the greatest experience with high-school friends. Some (OK most) of that was my fault - I let myself become the "pity invite" friend, which pretty much sucked. Thankfully, everyone else will be in the same "new-kid" situation this time, so I won't have to worry about feeling like I'm invading someone else's clique. That, and I know better than to let myself feel unwanted like that again.
Finally, moving away means that I'll be WAY more independent. While it's not always a good thing (see freak-out questions above), it is important to me. All I'll say about that is that not being able to eat or pee by yourself* makes you realize exactly how sweet independence can be.
And on that note, I'll sign off. Time for more packing.
K
*For those of you playing along at home, I was almost killed in a car accident in April. I was in a hard neck brace (which I fondly referred to as my "torture device") and immobilized for 2 days because they were afraid I had severe whiplash on top of my broken shoulder blade. This meant that I had to be put on a catheter and was only able to open my mouth about an inch. Yes, it sucked more than you can imagine, but it also taught me to appreciate what I have.
... AAAAAAAAAAADFADRFRWETGFLKHETOIHJGJJJJ!!!!!!!!
I know I shouldn't be so, well, freaked out. I know this is something I've wanted for a verrrry long time (as my BFF kindly pointed out when I started to panic today), but it's really freakin' hard to remember that when there are so many unknowns ahead. What are classes going to be like? How heavy is the workload? Will I make friends? Are my roommate and I going to be able to tolerate each other? How am I supposed to do "big girl" things like making sure my bills are paid? What happens if I get lost? These are the questions that have been swirling around my little blonde brain for the past few days. It's like a personal hailstorm of insecurities.
And then there's everything that I'm just starting to realize I'll have to leave behind. My Bug. My doggies. Privacy. Most of my favourite books. My friends and family. Real food. All sacrificed in the name of growing up and getting an education. Will it be worth it? I hope to God the answer is yes.
*exhales*
OK, time for happy thoughts. I promised the aforementioned BFF that I'd focus on the happy sparkly optimistic stuff instead of worrying all the time. So. What are things I have to look forward to?
Well, there's the opportunity to start with a clean slate, for one. Truth is, the only people I know "out there" are family, and while I love them dearly I'm not going to let them stop me from changing. They watched me grow up - taking on my own identity is just one more part of that. To that end, I plan to get a tattoo once I'm settled in at school. I was thinking a pair of angel (or maybe phoenix) wings, one on the underside of each wrist. They symbolize a sort of rebirth and remind me to appreciate life because it's entirely too fragile. What do you think?
On the same topic, I can also look forward to (hopefully) making new friends. To be honest, I didn't have the greatest experience with high-school friends. Some (OK most) of that was my fault - I let myself become the "pity invite" friend, which pretty much sucked. Thankfully, everyone else will be in the same "new-kid" situation this time, so I won't have to worry about feeling like I'm invading someone else's clique. That, and I know better than to let myself feel unwanted like that again.
Finally, moving away means that I'll be WAY more independent. While it's not always a good thing (see freak-out questions above), it is important to me. All I'll say about that is that not being able to eat or pee by yourself* makes you realize exactly how sweet independence can be.
And on that note, I'll sign off. Time for more packing.
K
*For those of you playing along at home, I was almost killed in a car accident in April. I was in a hard neck brace (which I fondly referred to as my "torture device") and immobilized for 2 days because they were afraid I had severe whiplash on top of my broken shoulder blade. This meant that I had to be put on a catheter and was only able to open my mouth about an inch. Yes, it sucked more than you can imagine, but it also taught me to appreciate what I have.
Post a Comment