9
In Which I Share a Secret
Posted by justme
on
12:17 PM
Hi everyone,
This week I wanted to share something with you guys. Something I've been meaning to let you know for a long time.
...
...
...
(I did that for Facebook's benefit - I want people to actually read my post instead of having my secret revealed in the little blurb when I post the link)
...
My secret is that I suffer from depression. Soul-sucking, mind-crushing depression. Not all the time, mind you, but enough that it's a problem.
Life with depression is... different than what you might expect. For me, it's essentially an altered mindset - you can think of it as looking at the world through a pair of lead sunglasses. My first instinct is to look at the problems associated with something instead of the benefits, and while I can enjoy things it takes a little more effort to "lift the sunglasses" than it would for most people. My inner critic is also very strong, making it easy for me to get discouraged and down on myself. If I don't catch myself, I start to spiral out of control.
These spirals occasionally turn into major depressive episodes. The blog Hyperbole and a Half explains these the best - aside from the "I don't give a f*ck" stage (which I haven't ever quite accomplished), it's exactly what I go through. I want to be clear that I've only ever been through 4 or 5 of these episodes (which last anywhere from 2 weeks to just over a month) so they are most definitely NOT NORMAL. It's worth noting them, though, because each one has changed me. You can't go to Hell and back without earning a few scars in the process.
That said, I want to let you know that those of you I know in real life shouldn't be surprised if you didn't notice anything. I worked VERY hard to put on a "happy mask" and pretend that everything was OK. I've never done emotions well, so I worked to hide everything I was feeling so that I wouldn't have to admit that I was struggling. I only opened up to a very few people last year, and that was because I was nearing a breaking point. I needed help and I couldn't do that without talking to people.
I'm done acting like that. It's time for me to grow up and start living with depression instead of just dealing with it. I've already started - I'm on medication (hopefully not for a long time), starting to exercise again, watching what I put into my body and seeing a counselor. I need you guys to stand behind me while I do this, because it's incredibly hard to break habits you've had for most of your life. Even if it's something as simple as bugging me to get to the gym once a week or asking me what I had for supper, I need your support. Are you with me?
Moi.
This week I wanted to share something with you guys. Something I've been meaning to let you know for a long time.
...
...
...
(I did that for Facebook's benefit - I want people to actually read my post instead of having my secret revealed in the little blurb when I post the link)
...
My secret is that I suffer from depression. Soul-sucking, mind-crushing depression. Not all the time, mind you, but enough that it's a problem.
Life with depression is... different than what you might expect. For me, it's essentially an altered mindset - you can think of it as looking at the world through a pair of lead sunglasses. My first instinct is to look at the problems associated with something instead of the benefits, and while I can enjoy things it takes a little more effort to "lift the sunglasses" than it would for most people. My inner critic is also very strong, making it easy for me to get discouraged and down on myself. If I don't catch myself, I start to spiral out of control.
These spirals occasionally turn into major depressive episodes. The blog Hyperbole and a Half explains these the best - aside from the "I don't give a f*ck" stage (which I haven't ever quite accomplished), it's exactly what I go through. I want to be clear that I've only ever been through 4 or 5 of these episodes (which last anywhere from 2 weeks to just over a month) so they are most definitely NOT NORMAL. It's worth noting them, though, because each one has changed me. You can't go to Hell and back without earning a few scars in the process.
That said, I want to let you know that those of you I know in real life shouldn't be surprised if you didn't notice anything. I worked VERY hard to put on a "happy mask" and pretend that everything was OK. I've never done emotions well, so I worked to hide everything I was feeling so that I wouldn't have to admit that I was struggling. I only opened up to a very few people last year, and that was because I was nearing a breaking point. I needed help and I couldn't do that without talking to people.
I'm done acting like that. It's time for me to grow up and start living with depression instead of just dealing with it. I've already started - I'm on medication (hopefully not for a long time), starting to exercise again, watching what I put into my body and seeing a counselor. I need you guys to stand behind me while I do this, because it's incredibly hard to break habits you've had for most of your life. Even if it's something as simple as bugging me to get to the gym once a week or asking me what I had for supper, I need your support. Are you with me?
Moi.
